Scene One:

The stage is split into two by a large microphone on a stick. It is the mid-Sixties......

To left, a student bedsit. Here sits trainee astronomer Brian May, wearing a white coat and pretending his telescope is a guitar, while aspiring dentist Roger Taylor drums with two dental probes on the bedside table.
To right, a school hall in Zanzibar where young Farookh Bulsara is picking out a tune on the piano, alternating high and low notes.

Farookh: (high voice) Galileo! (low voice) Galileo! Can you do the flamenco ... the foxtrot ... the Gay Gordons ... (tails off in frustration).

Voice Off:  Farookh, The bicycle races are about to start. And there are some fat-bottomed girls taking part!

Farookh: (thoughtful) Hmmm...

Lights up on Brian and Roger.

Brian: I'm bored with astronomy, Rog. Let's form another band. We can play power anthems, so we'll need a butch name. Prong? Stud? Probe ?

Roger: Too right, Bri. We'll probably need an exhibitionist front man though, what with my girlish good looks being hidden behind the drums, and you being such a miserable sod. (Brian May looks miserable)

Lights up on Farookh.

Farookh: (plinking on keys) I see a little silhouette-o of a cat ... a dog ... a banana ... (reels away from the piano, angrily).  This is hopeless!  Oooh, how I want to break free. But whoever heard of a rock star called Farookh Bulsara? (slams shut piano lid: A portrait of Frederick the Great and a large thermometer fall to the floor and smash. Farookh stares at the shattered remains.)  That's it! I'll become... the Great Thermometer!

The scene changes to a record company office at the beginning of the Seventies. The three men are sitting on chairs, sipping from mugs.

Freddie Mercury (for it is now he): ... so, I've written this 17-minute song called Bohemian Raspberry... (Brian May looks miserable).

Roger: That's great! And how about a song called We Will Rock You, which will just be drums and you singing... (Brian May looks miserable).

Freddie: ... and I thought we'd change the name of the band to Queen ... (Brian May looks miserable).

Roger: Ha ha, you crazy little thing! But hey, we'll need a fourth member to make up the numbers. You know, someone who won't detract from the charismatic singer, or the impossibly pretty blonde drummer, or the miserable-git, poodle-haired guitarist... (Brian May looks miserable).

Enter a janitor with a beaky nose and mad hair pushing a broom.

Roger: Oi! You! What's your name?

John Deacon (for it is he): John Deacon.

Roger: You'll do! (Brian May looks miserable).

Scene Five:

Backstage before Queen's first big gig. Brian looks miserable. Freddie is prancing up and down in his underwear. John is quietly polishing the floor. Roger is finishing an anecdote.

Roger: ... no, no, don't stop me now. So, anyway, I'm having such a good time, I'm having a ball, the radio's on but it's completely ga-ga ...

Zandra Rhodes (for it is she): (handing out bell-sleeved, bat-winged smocks in white and silver) What do you think of these?

Freddie: Fantastic. (punches the air) We are the champions!

Brian: I think they're too flash, I tell you. Flash! Aah-aaaaargh! (Throws costume on the floor and storms out).

Zandra: Another one bites the dust.

Freddie: But if we can't wear these, I'll have to go on in my underwear. (gestures to stripy long johns and chest-revealing singlet. Takes a sip of cappuccino, which leaves a dark froth "moustache" on his upper lip).

Roger: Hmmmm...

Scene 17:

Queen on stage at Wembley. Fireworks go off, fat-bottomed girls on bicycles, a Flash Gordon spaceship zooms above, and Freddie is well into his rendition of Bohemian Raspberry.

Freddie: Is this a fruit knife? Is this just cutlery? Caught in a fruitbowl, no escape from the raspberry. Open your mind, peel off the rind and se-e-e-e. I'm just a paw-paw. I need no orangery. Because I'm easy peel, easy-squeeze, and I grow up on the trees. If you spit my pips out, doesn't really matter to mee-ee ...

Roger: (whispering to Brian) Still not sure about these lyrics. Or the title. (Brian May looks miserable).

Freddie: ... I see a little silhouette-o of a grape. Scaramouche! Scaramouche! Can you make a fruit salad! Melon balls and trifle, have you got an eyeful of ME. (high voice) Galileo! (low voice) Galileo!

Brian: (looking miserable) God save us!

The curtain comes down. Freddie puts it on. Blackout